Foodoscopes — May 2016

All illustrations by Erin Filson.

MAY 2016



TAURUS Apr 20 – May 20 —Here comes the sun, mighty Taurus! No, really—an annual visit by the Sun until May 20th and a supermoon on May 6th makes this a birthday month to remember. Celebrate supermoons with superfoods—pack your diet with the greatest hits of nature, from a breakfast of smoked salmon and triple cream Brie to a dinner of grilled vegetables with quinoa on a bed of spinach. These incredible nosh-worthy ingredients will give you a burst of boldness like you’ve never felt before. Watch out for an insane amount of retrograde planets this month, though, and be wary of communication issues courtesy of Mercury. Fight retrograde with retro, and make a couple of throwback recipes to usher in a Jupiter-sponsored creative streak. Tollhouse cookies, Mom’s meatballs and Sunday gravy, or garlic mashed potatoes with seared steak—mastering the classics is the first step to unleashing a six-month innovation initiative! Shine on, birthday bud.


GEMINI May 21 – June 20 —April showered, and May is gonna flower—this month, it’s time to stop and smell the roses. Not your normal speed, we know, but with an upcoming birthday and a potent supermoon on May 6th, some solitude and relaxation is only going to put you in your prime. Herbs and spices are your new obsession, and your Gemini intuition can use these tiny gems to full advantage. Turmeric tea in the mornings will cleanse your system of toxins and is an incredible anti-inflammatory agent. Also, if you’re not already on the sage train, climb aboard—this delicious savory herb aids myriad ailments from sore throats, joint pain, stomach problems, and muscle tension. Until May 22nd, you might feel some pain that even herbs can’t heal, and you’ll be forced to deal with some past issues. Take a deep breath, invite someone over for a home-cooked meal, and set yourself free. Sage advice, eh?


CANCER June 21 – July 22 —Out of your shell and into the glorious fray that is networking! This is one busy mammajamma of a month for you, and the earlier you start rubbing crab legs with your peers, the better. Social media, anyone? Snap a pic of everything you eat, and make it look amazing while you’re at it. Who knows who’ll take notice of that incredible almond-crusted trout fillet, with haricot vert and buerre blanc! Speaking of French cooking, watch out for May 8th—a four-way cross between Saturn, Jupiter, Neptune, and the moon causes cosmic conflict. Things just might boil over with communication breakdowns and power struggles in either personal or professional circumstances, so French it out with some classic mother sauces. From béchamel to hollandaise, drown conflict in deliciousness by perfecting the foundations of cooking. Oh, and since you’ve already got things to a boiling point, put some pasta in those sauces and call it a night. Let’s take May day-by-day. Okay?


LEO July 23 – Aug 22 —Hellooo, accomplishment! The Sun’s annual visit to Taurus could mean big things for you and your natural leadership skills. Growth and prosperity are in the cards for the next six months, so protein-pack it up like there’s definitely a tomorrow and you need the energy. Hard-boiled eggs with an almond butter and banana smoothie for breakfast! Nuts and figs with goat cheese for a snack! Black bean burgers with sweet potato fries for dinner! Creativity has always been your strong suit, so we’re not worried about giving you a meal plan. Just keep it protein, Bro-tein. Heads up for a powerful duo of the moon and Mars in the later part of the month—everything is about to get fiery! Make sure the fire stays under control, and practice by keeping it all up in your grill. Sun’s out, BUNS OUT! Hamburger, hotdog, cinnamon… Any bun will do.


VIRGO Aug 23 – Sept 22 —Adventure is out there, and it’s time to Virgo-go-go! The Sun is visiting Taurus, your house of discovery, and maybe it’s time to think literally about some travels and plan a crazy vacation. Remember how every vacation ends in sunburn and 20 extra pounds in your carry-on-tummy? Plan for clean eating by visiting somewhere extraordinary—how about a trip to Iceland in August, when Reykjavik becomes a berry-picking haven? Or a Tuscan adventure, with olive-oil tastings that will keep your skin and hair glowing without any UV rays, unless UV stands for “ultra-valuable” with all those health benefits—am I right? Those are just the glorious gifts of the Sun; let’s not forget the supermoon on May 6th. Time to think long-term, as in entrepreneurial gains or even some existential growth. Fuel growth with some low-fat Swiss cheeses, like Gruyere and Raclette. Packed with protein, light in calories, and oh-so-satisfying, the cheeses of Switzerland taste like EXCITEMENT! We’re here, we’re Gruyere, get used to it.


LIBRA Sept 23 – Oct 22 —Your emotional house is full of sun at the beginning of May, and it’s not a bad idea to do a little hibernating for now. You need some Libr-alone time, my friend, and a singular focus will help as long as you listen to your inner self. Go with your gut, and make your focus your foods! A spiritual awakening is on the horizon (quite literally, with a supermoon rising) and to prep your diet, we’ll need lots of comfort foods. Stay away from the carb-heavy dishes, though, and maybe do a little tinkering with the classics! Instead of macaroni and cheese, try a healthed-up version using cauliflower instead of pasta and greek yogurt instead of heavy cream. Five whole planets are in retrograde as May begins, and Mercury is going to throw you into suspicion, obsession, and possessive feelings. Don’t get lost in the mire, and plan some recurring time with friends to vent and keep your head above water. May is a month for Happy Hours, and you know you can throw a good shindig. Your May Mantra is “Surrender, Accept, and Refresh!”


SCORPIO Oct 23 – Nov 21 —Ooh-la-la, May is a month for loving! Things look promising in a romantic sense, but even if you’ve already met the scorpi-one to your scorpion, the Sun’s visit to Taurus means a perfect time for partnership in general. Make dinner at home a team effort, and don’t just collaborate, ELABORATE! Try making the classic boeuf bourguignon recipe a la Julia Child—sure, it takes 5 to 6 hours and a boatload of patience, but your inherent self-control makes you the perfect candidate for Child support. The new supermoon will leave you feeling fresh and promising, which means it’s a good time to try a juice cleanse. Keep it small and simple if you’re a first-time-cleanser, and replace one meal a day for a week with a cold-pressed organic juice. Wanna go hardcore? Drink juice and water ONLY for three days straight! As May gets flowery, you’ll be looking at life through rose-colored cleanses.


SAGITTARIUS Nov 22 – Dec 21 —The Sun will come out to-MAY-rrow, and you can bet your bottom dollar that it’s in your sixth house of health, fitness, and organization. Trim the fat, metaphorically of course, but also literally! Make May a month for veggies, maybe you can go meat-free, but keep it fun and light. You’ll need the uplift when five planets turn retrograde this month, and you’ll be called into a more aggressive and assertive role than usual. In other words, you’re used to being the sous chef, and you need to put on Executive Chef pants for a few weeks. Out of the frying pan, and into the fire! This will last into the summer, which won’t be as leisurely as normal, so prepare to man the grill, too. Get creative with Mother Nature’s meatless miracles, while you’re at it – ever played around with gazpacho? Cold soups are always a good idea, and a fantastic way to feel satisfied and not heavy. Use seasonal ingredients, play up your Sagittarius curiosity, and May the borscht be with you.


CAPRICORN Dec 22 – Jan 19 —They’ve been lying to us for years, Capricorn. April showers bring May SUPER POWERS! Talk about walking on sunshine—this burst of energy coming from Taurus is making you into a sexy, capricious, positive beam of light! Use the beginning of this month as your disco, and dance like no one is watching. Eat like no one is watching, either. Your excess energy will give you plenty of drive to stay active and work out, so dig into the delights of springtime fare with reckless abandon. Three words: Ice freaking cream. As Mercury turns retrograde, though, just be careful not to put out personal fires with gasoline. Keep communication lines open, and when former ghosts resurface, stay calm and take them out for a fancy cocktail. Spring is perfect for fruit-based drinks, with simple syrup and a fun garnish. Think gin and tequila for a change, and whenever possible, drink something sparkling. Jupiter’s giving your sense of wanderlust a rousing toast mid-month, so while you stay hydrated, always remain thirsty?


AQUARIUS Jan 20 – Feb 18 —When the boat’s a-rockin’, better start a-crockin’! Crock pots, that is. Your water level is rising in a good way, Aquarius, and it’s floating you into your domestic fourth house. That means friends and family first, and you gotta cook for a crowd. Slow cooking is the perfect way to feed the masses while still spending time with them and not with your stove, not to mention you won’t burn (out). Naughty Mercury is here to wreck the pleasant gastronomical domesticity, though, and be wary of annoying roommates or family guests outstaying their welcome. Suggest a night out every now and then to keep your sanity—you love it when someone else does the cooking anyway! Get reservations at a choice brunch spot a week in advance, and let it be the vessel that gets you through each work week with a smile on your face and a song in your tummy. By the end of the month, cosmic powers have your positive mojo back in swing, and you’re the new skipper of the S. S. Yesss!


PISCES Feb 19 – March 20 —Local action is calling, and YOU are going to answer that call. Your sunny third house has you in prime shape to explore your surroundings, and we all know the best way to survive it to eat your way through May! Locally sourced, local farmer’s markets, local honey—it’s all a-May-zing for witty, charming Pisces. Make sure you’ve explored every niche of your neighborhood by leaving no restaurant reservation un-reserved, and seek out unique shops with local owners. You’ll be surprised by what you find so close to home. The supermoon on May 6th is going to put a megaphone up to your desire to connect, and whether it’s professional or more personal, make lunch dates and enjoy the heck out of ’em. Take advantage by ordering shareable plates and family-style portions. With a four-way planetary cross on Mother’s Day, everyone will demand your attention and you’ll feel like a people-pleasing robot for a minute. Just remember that you’re number one, and buy yourself some chocolate as a simple reminder that you are your own best friend.


ARIES Mar 21 – Apr 19 —Dear Aries, it’s scary when planetary fairies vary the wear and tear of merry cares, when hairy snares dare your very flair to err as you, unaware of their glares, customarily parry, ensnared in the crosshairs of wary affairs. Unprepared? Keep walking on air, with spare dairy there, and beware the lair of confectionary warfare. Make merry with berries, or ancillary wares, atop an aviary bill of fare. Your legendary kitchen itinerary shares imaginary cardiopulmonary flares in reactionary love affairs with your cookware, should you care to prepare no threadbare fare somewhere. Aware that pears and hares are no arbitrary adversaries? Carry on, post-questionairre, your honorary dietary foray, where nary a unitary care can tarry, you billionaire of sweet Aries food fanfare! Phew.