Darth Maul surprised Obi Wan Kenobi and Qui-Gon Jinn by bringing not one but two pepperoni for their cheese plate. “These will go great with some provolone and cheddar,” said Obi Wan. “I’ll slice them up!” Darth Maul did not respond, but he did look offended.
General Grievous was delighted to discover Di Bruno Bros. line of private collection salami, produced with regional Italian spices and by the old-world technique of slow air-curing for at least 45 days. “With snacks like these on my side,” he thought “the Jedi will be forced to invite me to all of their parties!”
“But dad!” Luke Skywalker whined. “Blanco chorizo is the best. It’s so buttery and mild.” “No, my son,” Darth Vader replied. “You do not yet know the power of a Spanish salumi spiced liberally with paprika! Turn to the hot chorizo side of the Pork and, together, we will rule this dinner table as father and son.”